Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Is this real life?

It's not easy walking around knowing that you are carrying a poppy seed (or a child) but nothing really on the outside is different. And for me, I did not have any overly obvious pregnancy symptoms (thank you Jesus...I always assumed because my stomach is pretty lame that I would spend 9 months curled up around a toilet). So, I did want any normal person would do - just didn't believe it. I wish I could say that I was uber-laid back, but in case you didn't know this about me, I'm not all that laid-back. I would really love to be, but instead, I am more of the worrying, overthinking, overanxious and overly-sensitive type. So, every day was an emotional roller coaster of the ups and downs of the question - "Am I really pregnant?" Some days I believed it, other days I didn't and in between, I just cried and obsessed about it. Can I just say, that you start worrying about your child the moment you find out you are pregnant.

Fear defined the majority of my first trimester - afraid of miscarriage, afraid that something would be wrong, afraid I was going to mess this up, afraid that the glass of wine or xrays I had before I knew I was pregnant hurt our poppy seed. I kept counting down the days to our first appointment. My mind wouldn't let me completely believe it until then - again, I'm constantly learning to trust and let go. Now that I'm reflecting back on this time, I'm sorry I spent the days worrying rather than rejoicing. The days crawled by until almost 6 weeks after finding out we were pregnant, we had our first appointment.

We got settled into the waiting room and they called my name. Marc and I went back to our room. LUCKILY, I had been warned how the first appointment goes. Not ALL sonograms are done on your tummy....some are a tad bit invasive. Just imagine your husband sitting in with you at your annual appointment...yep, that's what it's like. There was LOTS of talk with the doctor before we got to the invasive part, and I honestly cannot remember a single word of it because I was just ready to find out what exactly was happening or "supposed" to be happening in my uterus.

Let me just tell you what was happening in my uterus - I not only saw this little tiny baby on a screen but heard this very quick heartbeat. This was for real (after all...more than 4 tests tried to tell me so, including the one I took the day before our appointment). There were tears of joy, gratitude, absolute amazement and omg...we are going to be parents! April 11 was the first day we saw and heard Sam, but he wasn't Sam yet - first he was poppy seed, then Baby Hunt and finally Monkey. Poor kid...I'm afraid the Monkey nick name may be here a while.

I attempted to let the idea of being pregnant settle in. Marc and I rejoiced that Monkey was healthy and enjoying life in my uterus and shared this news with the family and close friends we had told about being pregnant. We wanted to wait to make the BIG announcement on our 4th anniversary on May 5. That's when it was official, only because it was on Facebook.

The rest of my first trimester flew by, still with no major symptoms except for cravings. I should have known early enough there was a little boy in there because I couldn't stop craving salty and really food in general. I wanted, needed and had to have white cheddar popcorn (and yes, Marc made an emergency gas station solely to pick-up a bag of it), Chinese food, and really any fast food. I even wanted Krystal's...I have no idea when I have ever desired a Krystal burger in my life! I also was enjoying lots of naps - like every day after work, or on my days off (after doing nothing), on the weekends...and really any down time I had was spent on the living couch snoozing. Marc and Bailey (the professional snoozers in our family) loved all of the siestas that were occurring in our home.

I attempted to keep running. I mean, after finishing a half-marathon, I just assumed I would keep running 3-5 miles here and there like it was nothing. Wrong again...I was 1. too tired and already comfortable on the couch and 2. scared that I would bounce Monkey right out of me. The few times I did run, I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling guilty for putting Monkey through a roller coaster ride. So, I my running shoes had to settle for being walking shoes...

And with that, Monkey and I walked right into our second trimester...

No comments:

Post a Comment