Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Blessing of No

No one likes to hear the word "no." No one. Especially someone who has stubborn and hard-headed tendencies...like me. When I hear the word no, I am determined to make a no into a yes. Growing up, I liked to exercise this determination with my mom as much as possible. Mom, can I buy this baby chick at the fair? No. Guess what, I went ahead and bought 2. Mom, can I shave my legs? No. So what did I do, shaved them anyway. There are too many examples of my stubborn ways. Yes, I am one determined girl.

Well God told me no. And not just me. Me and Marc. We (I) like to plan - it's really a sickness. We (I) had it all planned out. Marc was going to get a full-time job at the beginning of the year, we would receive full benefits (praise the Lord because it gets old and $$$ paying for your own insurance), Marc would finish school, and we would start a family. And they lived happily ever after. That was the MY plan. God said NO!

The full-time position we were hoping for did not get approved. And it hurt. It hurt to see my sweet husband who works so hard disappointed. It hurt to think that God didn't want this for us as well. I wanted to pout, I wanted to argue with Him, I wanted to throw an all out temper tantrum to change His mind. After a "crying and shaking my fist at God" episode, I sucked it up. It was time to put on my big girl panties and deal with the fact that He is in control. Who am I to argue with Him? He has plans for us and I know it's 100% better than anything I can plan. And, He's so quick to remind that He will provide for us - even when it looks different than how we thought He would provide. He has and continues to take care of us. Probably for the first time in my life, I am thankful for the word No. His No convicted us, brought us onto our knees and into His will and His timing.

Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom." - Luke 12:22-32

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

My Own Little World

I heard this song on my way back to work from lunch with a really sweet friend I know through Camp Hope. She and I always end up having really deep conversations about our desires and passions. As she put it, "We always have such intellectual conversations when we get together...and I'm really not an intellectual." That makes two of us!

Anyway, our conversation stirred up some of the things that have been on my heart recently, and then I heard this song by Matthew West on the way home. I love music - especially worship - because the lyrics usually do a better job of explaining my heart and thoughts. This song does just that...my tendency is to be preoccupied with what I'm doing, my plans and me, me, me when actually, I am here to do His will, to glorify Him and to go where He wants me to go! I love the part of the song that says
"Father break my heart for what breaks Yours, give me open hands and open doors, put Your light in my eyes and let me see, that my own little world is not about me." Thank you God for this word today!



Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Happy 17th Birthday Sieara!

Today, I celebrated Sieara's 17th birthday. Well, her actual birthday was yesterday but she didn't have school today because it was Election Day, so I picked her and her cousin, Leah, up for an early dinner at a Japanese Hibachi Grill! Yummy (even though it makes my stomach hurt)! I can't believe she is 17 now...it just seems like yesterday that I was the adult counselor in her cabin at Camp Hope. For some reason that year, our cabin seemed to be the trouble cabin...from starting a water fight to the girls getting in trouble for dress code, but it seemed those were the times that Sieara had the most fun. She drove me a little crazy at camp because she had an attitude capable of making a whole room get cold. But after camp, I called her to let her know she wasn't moving up a level at camp because of this. I expected more attitude but instead, she thanked me for helping her with a situation at home. I saw a glimpse of Sieara's vulnerability beneath that tough exterior. For the past 2 years we have hunt out, and I've had the opportunity to watch her open up, even if it was laced with a little attitude. Like the time that she told me that my butt looked big in the pants I was wearing. When I looked at her shocked, she said, "What?! That's a compliment when you tell a black girl that." At least she tells the truth!

I am so thankful that she has shared the past 2 years of her life with me, and I look forward to all that God has in store for her! Happy 17th Birthday Sieara!


Me, Sieara and her cousin Leah