His Love is Relentless

I have really been enjoying Hillsong's latest album, "Zion."  I'm usually a fan of anything Hillsong-related, but this new album is a little more 80s-fied with syntheziers so it took me a minute for it to grow on me.  Syntheziers and all, I'm a fan now. 

It's been playing in the background of my days at home, especially during Sam's nap.  Each song seems full of His truth that I need right now, and God is certainly speaking to me through the lyrics.  

A lot has been going on with Sieara (that's another post for another time), but her situation has thrown me on my knees looking to Him - asking, pleading, and begging for help.  I have been humbled more than I care to admit  and my need for control has and is being refined.  And, in case you wanted to know, the refinement process is PAINFUL.  Just the other day, I was frustrated with Sieara and just wanting to throw my hands up.  I wanted to rattle off every thought going through my head.  As I was getting more and more heated in my thought process, I heard these words playing: 

You carry us
Carry us
When the world gives way
You cover us
Cover us
With Your endless grace Your love is relentless

And, I stopped.  I was reminded of what my BSF teacher told us recently - Jesus' economy is backwards, upside down....the last will be first, the first will be last, the low will be lifted high and the high will be humbled.  His love and grace for me is relentless, so that's how He calls me to love Sieara and others who don't deserve it.  I can easily say Sieara doesn't deserve any more chances, but then I remember the grace Jesus has for me when I don't deserve it.  I'm so grateful of His truth piercing my heart before my tongue could speak.  His love is relentless...for me, for my family, for Sieara.  And I know I won't get it right every time, but I pray that I will be a vessel of His unrelenting grace and love. 

Tuning Out

It's been one of those days where nap time is extending longer than my list of to-dos.  If I'm completely honest, I usually rush through that list, including my Bible study, so I can have a few moments to "tune out."  I wish I could say that involves some beautiful quiet time of reading or deepening my faith, but if I'm completely honest, tuning out means watching the latest "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" or "Glee" episode...or as of recent "Downton Abbey" (yes, I now understand why everyone has been raving over this amazing show.  I am just now in Season 2...).  The point is, there are plenty of episodes on our oversized tv that I could watch to "tune out" my brain.  

Isn't it funny though as I ended my Bible study this afternoon, I wrote out these questions..."What are God's promises to me?  What is God commanding me to do?  What are You calling me to?"  And as soon as I finished writing out these questions, I hopped up to pour some ginger ale on ice and turn on the tv as if a reality show or British show (I have to say, Downton Abbey it is quality tv..I mean, it's on PBS) will answer those questions for me.  How quick am I to write out these questions to God, but not give Him more than a mere second to answer me before I decide it's time to "tune out" the rest of Sam's nap time.  I need to know the answers to these questions...I want to know these answers.  Otherwise, I'll just act out my understanding, but put some "God-approved" seal on my actions since I did at least have a quiet time...right?  It's time to tune in to Him rather than tune out....

Hope Blossoms

 

It's amazing how much running does clear my head.  Thoughts that usually are jumbled all of a sudden align into meaning.  Of course, not all runs end in life-altering insight but today's did.  

So, as I outlined my goals for 2013, I thought it was about something familiar, now I am realizing they were something unexpected.  I made goals about growth as a wife and mom, but then God intersects your life with somethig new and different, something you weren't prepared to deal with.  And, that's where faith comes in.  I think I'm supposed to be obedient to Marc (and I am) and content with my life as a stay-at-home mom (I'm supposed to do that also), but life intersects with God's ordained will and timing.  

On Wednesday, I received a life-altering text.  The rubber hit the road.  There was a choice - stepping out in faith or if you're a control freak like me, running to what's comfortable, outlining controls, methods and plans...which is what I did.  I freaked out and planned out how to deal with the unexpected.  Is it a coincidence that my Bible study is currently going through Abram/Abraham's life?  His obedience as God led him through the promised land.  Abram's humanness as he hears God's promises but stills follows his own plans or the customs of that day.  The intimacy Abram and God shared as Abram poured out his heart God - his desires, his fears, his anxiety.  God's promise to Abram, "I am your shield; your very great reward."  God keeping His promises in His time.  

If my eyes weren't open to Him, the timing of this study and His word would just be a coincidence, and I would miss it.  I would miss the Hope that is in Him.  He is our Hope, and He is the Hope of impossible situations.  Impossible situations that come from life-altering moments where I have a choice: to do my will or be obedient and content to His will.  Allowing myself to give up on my hopes and let Him be Hope.  The single rose blossom in our driveway would usually go unnoticed, but today it was a reminder that Hope does blossom.  In it's time.  An unexpected reminder in the middle of a dreary and cold winter...there is Hope. 

And the rubber hits the road. 

Poppy Seed

I told you I would be back!

So, to catch everyone up, the latest adventure in the Hunt household is set to arrive in a few weeks, like 4 or 5. I can't believe our little man is almost here and it's even harder to believe that Sam started as a poppy seed. Yes, this sweet child who has taken over my body (literally) started as a poppy seed.

God has amazed me throughout this pregnancy - when I read Psalm 139 now ("For I knit you in your mother's womb...") I think about how what started as a poppy seed, God knew exactly who Sam was, who he is going to be and even better, created him to be in our family. It's overwhelming to say the least...

Ok...need to focus and not get all emotional (God certainly has a sense of humor giving an already emotional mess of a woman pregnancy hormones!). Let's start at how Baby Hunt even came to be....(not like that...gross!)

Marc and I have known since we dated that we wanted a family. We knew it would happen in God's timing but there were also a few barriers that required patience (God forgot to give me some of that when I was created). Almost from the start of our marriage, Marc enrolled to be an online student at Asbury Theological Seminary. Once he was accepted, he started working part-time with Chick-fil-A which allowed Marc the flexibility to work and go to school, but this also meant a cut in pay and no benefits. I also don't receive benefits from the ministry I work for, so we had to buy our own. In case you didn't know, insurance is EXPENSIVE and if you want to include a maternity package, even more EXPENSIVE. So, we knew that we were not in a place to start a family because of Marc's commitments with school and work, our financial status and not having maternity insurance.

Fast forward 3 years and I was starting to get anxious. Marc had just over a year left in school and there was a chance that Chick-fil-A would approve a full-time position (which would offer benefits...yay!) before Marc was done with school. I had my heart set on this happening...I thought it was in the bank. And then Marc called to tell me it didn't work out. We were both heart broken. My prayers to God were more of a cry-fests and temper-tantrums asking why it didn't work out, why did He want us to wait longer, why why why...

I should know by now a few things (well a lot of things), but when it comes to our sweet Savior, that:
1. His timing is perfect
2. Not to question His plans
3. Sometimes, we don't get what we want, but that doesn't mean He doesn't love us or provide for us.

So, we were back to square one. We just continued doing life and praying that God would provide a way in His timing. God certainly has a sense of humor because a few months after this, we received an insurance brochure for a different insurance company. There wasn't anything to lose, so I called to get more information about their benefits. Come to find out, they offered maternity packages at a decent price - it would still be more than what we were currently paying, but we could thankfully afford it. BUT we had to enroll by the end of the year because at the start of the new year, they were canceling their maternity benefits for new customers.

Seriously?! God showed up in an insurance brochure in the mail - that's just how cool He is! So, we rang in 2011 with an opportunity to start a family for the first time! God taught me so many lessons throughout this process and I'm so thankful to know that this poppy seed was created in His most perfect timing!